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textsfromarda:

(502): 
Because guys aren’t supposed to cry. Especially when it’s over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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textsfromarda:

(724): 
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
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textsfromarda:


(716):
I don’t care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he’s enchanting.
(submitted by tekaihau)
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textsfromarda:

(781): Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
(617): Don’t worry I’m drunk they won’t say anything
(submitted by tekaihau)
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textsfromarda:

(561): I’d introduce you to the guys, but you’d probably make them all fall in love with you
(860): I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let’s do this.
(submitted by tekaihau)
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textsfromarda:

(978): 
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn’t mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
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textsfromarda:

(206): 
when your 30 and im 37 and we’re lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
(submitted by tekaihau)
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textsfromarda:


(206):
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him…
(submitted by tekaihau)
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textsfromarda:


(732):
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
(submitted by tekaihau, zaataronpita, AND havisham)
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textsfromarda:

(250): 
I don’t mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
(submitted by caranthira)